Beware Attention Seekers
I really hate people who love attention. I find it to be the most infuriating and annoying trait that I see in people's personalities. There are a few people I know like this and I really dont know how to react to them. They are constantly mentioning random facts about what they have accomplished just so someone will give them praise. Sometimes it's not even good things they've done, but they want sympathy from others for all their problems in life! Don't spread your pessimistic problems in life onto me! An emotionally mature person does not need others to tell them how great they are or how sad it is that their back hurts. It shows immaturity and low self esteem. Now, I am not the one to talk about low self-esteem, because I definitely have some of that, but I only show that to my closest friends and don't go around feeling sorry for myself to everyone I meet. I also don't brag about everything I've done to anyone who will listen. I know I am doing well and I feel successful in my own eyes so that is all that matters!
My sister always tried to get attention when she was little and it caused me to stop hanging out with her. I look back now and realize that was just her childlike way of looking up to her big sister and wanting praise from me. It's different when its 20-40 year old women though! I don’t want to give them the praise or attention they want, so I ignore it. I've noticed in my office, though, that my co-workers feed into this behavior. They give those people that attention they crave so it just causes it to happen more and more. I'm shocked when it happens. Don’t you see right through it? I don't see how other people don’t find it annoying! Why would you want to be friends with someone like that? Also, it’s embarrassing when they exhibit that behavior around new people they don’t know. Don't announce that you're having back surgery to people you are just meeting just so you can get a sympathy plea! It makes things awkward for them because they don’t know what to say! It makes it awkward for me as well because I don’t want to say anything to feed into that behavior!
I had friends like this in high school that I put up with for a long time. I think this is why it infuriates me so much now. Don't brag about all your accomplishments every time I see you. Now, be proud of what you have done, but don't flaunt it to others. I don't care if you worked on the biggest project ever! Perhaps I think my project was more challenging than yours. I am not going to start a debate over whose work was harder. I will just nod and smile and take a mental note that you are annoying. I think a lot of the people at work aren’t close with me because I am not a praising, "Oh my god that really happened to you?!" person. I dont seek attention and my punishment is not having close friends at work. My fiancé has told me I should be more praising and accepting since this is what people like to hear. This will help me make close friends, but honestly, I don’t want friends like that. I don’t see why people can’t just be genuine with others instead of wanting the focus always on them.
At BullyOnline I found some interesting descriptions of different attention seeking methods that I will have to refer back to when I come in contact with these people. Looking at the descriptions, I have definitely seen some of these, although some of these descrioptions were more ominous than others. Many of the behaviors can be within one person as well. It's funny that the article mentioned it was a mainly female quality. I work in an office of women so that must be it! lots of drama queens! lol.
Attention seeking methods
Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females so I've used the pronoun "she". Males also exhibit attention-seeking behavior.
Attention seekers commonly exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves. Or they may exploit their own suffering, or alleged suffering. In extreme forms, such as in Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, the attention-seeker will deliberately cause suffering to others as a means of gaining attention.
The sufferer: this might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or inviting injury, in extreme cases going as far as losing a limb. Severe cases may meet the diagnostic criteria for Munchausen Syndrome (also known as Factitious Disorder). The illness or injury becomes a vehicle for gaining sympathy and thus attention. The attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, especially that of guilt. It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.
The savior: in attention-seeking personality disorders like Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP, also known as Factitious Disorder By Proxy) the person, usually female, creates opportunities to be center of attention by intentionally causing harm to others and then being their savior, by saving their life, and by being such a caring, compassionate person. Few people realize the injury was deliberate. The MSBP mother or nurse may kill several babies before suspicions are aroused. When not in savior mode, the savior may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person or persons she is saving.
The rescuer: particularly common in family situations, she's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune - to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her humanitarian actions. She will prey on any person suffering misfortune, infirmity, illness, injury, or anyone who has a vulnerability. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is rescuing.
The organizer: she may present herself as the one in charge, the one organizing everything, the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a means to an end) but to always be the center of attention.
The manipulator: she may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. Vulnerable family members are favorite targets. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimized, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a campaign of exclusion or harassment.
The mind-poisoner: adept at poisoning peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions of others, especially against the current target.
The drama queen: every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the center of attention but should be. Inappropriate flirtatious behavior may also be present.
The busy bee: this individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.
The feigner: when called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial - counterattack - feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue. There's little more plausible than real tears, although as actresses know, it's possible to turn these on at will. Feigners are adept at using crocodile tears. From years of practice, attention-seekers often give an Oscar-winning performance in this respect. Feigning victimhood is a favorite tactic of bullies and harassers to evade accountability and sanction. When accused of bullying and harassment, the person immediately turns on the water works and claims they are the one being bullied or harassed - even though there's been no prior mention of being bullied or harassed. It's the fact that this claim appears only after and in response to having been called to account that is revealing. Mature adults do not burst into tears when held accountable for their actions.
The false confessor: this person confesses to crimes they haven't committed in order to gain attention from the police and the media. In some cases people have confessed to being serial killers, even though they cannot provide any substantive evidence of their crimes. Often they will confess to crimes which have just been reported in the media. Some individuals are known to the police as serial confessors. The false confessor is different from a person who make a false confession and admits to a crime of which they are accused because of emotional pressure and inappropriate interrogation tactics.
The abused: a person claims they are the victim of abuse, sexual abuse, rape etc. as a way of gaining attention for themselves. Crimes like abuse and rape are difficult to prove at the best of times and their incidence is so common that it is easy to make a plausible claim as a way of gaining attention.
The online victim: this person uses Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the victim of rape, violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious reasons. The facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits this type of attention seeker. [More]
The victim: she may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, e.g. send herself hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbor, etc. Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her "harasser" and produce circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first time she has had this happen to her.
My sister always tried to get attention when she was little and it caused me to stop hanging out with her. I look back now and realize that was just her childlike way of looking up to her big sister and wanting praise from me. It's different when its 20-40 year old women though! I don’t want to give them the praise or attention they want, so I ignore it. I've noticed in my office, though, that my co-workers feed into this behavior. They give those people that attention they crave so it just causes it to happen more and more. I'm shocked when it happens. Don’t you see right through it? I don't see how other people don’t find it annoying! Why would you want to be friends with someone like that? Also, it’s embarrassing when they exhibit that behavior around new people they don’t know. Don't announce that you're having back surgery to people you are just meeting just so you can get a sympathy plea! It makes things awkward for them because they don’t know what to say! It makes it awkward for me as well because I don’t want to say anything to feed into that behavior!
I had friends like this in high school that I put up with for a long time. I think this is why it infuriates me so much now. Don't brag about all your accomplishments every time I see you. Now, be proud of what you have done, but don't flaunt it to others. I don't care if you worked on the biggest project ever! Perhaps I think my project was more challenging than yours. I am not going to start a debate over whose work was harder. I will just nod and smile and take a mental note that you are annoying. I think a lot of the people at work aren’t close with me because I am not a praising, "Oh my god that really happened to you?!" person. I dont seek attention and my punishment is not having close friends at work. My fiancé has told me I should be more praising and accepting since this is what people like to hear. This will help me make close friends, but honestly, I don’t want friends like that. I don’t see why people can’t just be genuine with others instead of wanting the focus always on them.
At BullyOnline I found some interesting descriptions of different attention seeking methods that I will have to refer back to when I come in contact with these people. Looking at the descriptions, I have definitely seen some of these, although some of these descrioptions were more ominous than others. Many of the behaviors can be within one person as well. It's funny that the article mentioned it was a mainly female quality. I work in an office of women so that must be it! lots of drama queens! lol.
Attention seeking methods
Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females so I've used the pronoun "she". Males also exhibit attention-seeking behavior.
Attention seekers commonly exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves. Or they may exploit their own suffering, or alleged suffering. In extreme forms, such as in Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, the attention-seeker will deliberately cause suffering to others as a means of gaining attention.
The sufferer: this might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or inviting injury, in extreme cases going as far as losing a limb. Severe cases may meet the diagnostic criteria for Munchausen Syndrome (also known as Factitious Disorder). The illness or injury becomes a vehicle for gaining sympathy and thus attention. The attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, especially that of guilt. It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.
The savior: in attention-seeking personality disorders like Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP, also known as Factitious Disorder By Proxy) the person, usually female, creates opportunities to be center of attention by intentionally causing harm to others and then being their savior, by saving their life, and by being such a caring, compassionate person. Few people realize the injury was deliberate. The MSBP mother or nurse may kill several babies before suspicions are aroused. When not in savior mode, the savior may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person or persons she is saving.
The rescuer: particularly common in family situations, she's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune - to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her humanitarian actions. She will prey on any person suffering misfortune, infirmity, illness, injury, or anyone who has a vulnerability. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is rescuing.
The organizer: she may present herself as the one in charge, the one organizing everything, the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a means to an end) but to always be the center of attention.
The manipulator: she may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. Vulnerable family members are favorite targets. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimized, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a campaign of exclusion or harassment.
The mind-poisoner: adept at poisoning peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions of others, especially against the current target.
The drama queen: every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the center of attention but should be. Inappropriate flirtatious behavior may also be present.
The busy bee: this individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.
The feigner: when called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial - counterattack - feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue. There's little more plausible than real tears, although as actresses know, it's possible to turn these on at will. Feigners are adept at using crocodile tears. From years of practice, attention-seekers often give an Oscar-winning performance in this respect. Feigning victimhood is a favorite tactic of bullies and harassers to evade accountability and sanction. When accused of bullying and harassment, the person immediately turns on the water works and claims they are the one being bullied or harassed - even though there's been no prior mention of being bullied or harassed. It's the fact that this claim appears only after and in response to having been called to account that is revealing. Mature adults do not burst into tears when held accountable for their actions.
The false confessor: this person confesses to crimes they haven't committed in order to gain attention from the police and the media. In some cases people have confessed to being serial killers, even though they cannot provide any substantive evidence of their crimes. Often they will confess to crimes which have just been reported in the media. Some individuals are known to the police as serial confessors. The false confessor is different from a person who make a false confession and admits to a crime of which they are accused because of emotional pressure and inappropriate interrogation tactics.
The abused: a person claims they are the victim of abuse, sexual abuse, rape etc. as a way of gaining attention for themselves. Crimes like abuse and rape are difficult to prove at the best of times and their incidence is so common that it is easy to make a plausible claim as a way of gaining attention.
The online victim: this person uses Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the victim of rape, violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious reasons. The facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits this type of attention seeker. [More]
The victim: she may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, e.g. send herself hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbor, etc. Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her "harasser" and produce circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first time she has had this happen to her.
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